Kolkata Knight Riders and the four-captain theory is at least getting the team much needed free publicity. While Sunny Gavaskar rubbishes Shah Rukh Khan and John Buchanan’s latest brainwave – King Khan is quick to point out that KKR is his team – and he’ll do anything he likes with it. And if Gavaskar wants his ideas to be put into practice, he should buy his own Chinchpokli Champions XI.  I think that’s fair enough – it’s SRK’s team and he’s free to do whatever he likes.

(Does this have anything to do with Gavaskar being pelted with eggs by the Calcutta crowd in the mid-80s? Well I don’t know)

But let’s come back to the four captain theory. I think that’s the way to go about it. After all, that’s how Kolkata works… I can now tell you what SRK and Buchanan precisely have in mind.

One, the four captains won’t be called ‘Captains’. They’ll address each other as ‘Comrades’ and the collective team of four will be called the KKR Politburo. And then there would be a General Secretary called John Buchanan – who in turn would be reporting on a hotline to SRK, who for some strange reason would be based in China.

When there’s a bowling change to be made or the fine leg to be brought inside the circle – the game would be called to a pause – a politburo meeting held – and then the General Secretary would take a decision. In case of problems, the call to China can immediately be made for a final decision.

Just in case a solution isn’t in sight – just as the game is slipping away quickly from KKR, the politburo will simply call the rest of the players (also called the trade union) and they’ll dig up the pitch, stone the floodlights, threaten the umpires, bash up rival players – and ensure a match abandoned.

That way KKR can never lose a match.

For those who pooh-pooh the four captain theory, just a reminder that it has worked for 32 years in Bengal now. And no reason why it shouldn’t work for another 32.

…that’s the TOI debate of the day.

Irrespective of our tall claims of gender equality, there’s an overwhelming belief in society that the man is the primary breadwinner and the woman the homemaker. This often leads to a major friction when the woman rakes in more moolah than the male. While we comfort ourselves that money has nothing to do with love, very often an imbalanced paycheck causes damage to a relationship. Is the income of your spouse actually that significant to make or mar your relationship? If you are a man, will you be affected if your wife earns more? If you’re a wife, would your respect for your man plunge if he earns less than you?

The point really isn’t about who earns more – the wife or the husband. What really matters is who spends more-on usually useless things. And that is something we all know, right?

England’s star cricketer is a troubled man after being away from the action for 11 weeks.

England batsman Kevin Pietersen has said that he misses his wife Jessica Taylor terribly, and has vowed never to stay away from her for 11 months ever again. Kevin Pietersen has said that he misses his wife terribly, and has vowed never to stay away from her for 11 weeks ever again.

What a duffer. I would give my left hand for a 11-hour break from my wife. (I need the right hand to prepare my drink).

Some guys have all the luck – and they don’t even realize that. 11 weeks! Imagine what I could do – but then, that is a futile flight of fancy…

PTI reports that the world’s oldest frog has been discovered.

Scientists in New Zealand claimed to have found the world’s oldest frog — aged 37. The Maud Island frog, nicknamed Wellington by researchers, also has two other geriatric friends, a male, Gollum, 35, and a female, Xena, 34.

I wonder if the Wellington the frog can still croak as it could when it was younger. That somehow reminds me – how old is Himesh? Aah, 35 says the Wikipedia. Another record missed.

The Time magazine has useful tips for the warring Ambani brothers.

Ahead of finalising its list of 100 most influential people in the world, prestigious US magazine Time has advised one of the probables Mukesh Ambani to settle his spat with younger sibling Anil over a ‘pillow fight’ using pillows stuffed with $1,000 bills.

“Our proposal: duke it out using pillows stuffed with $1,000 bills,” Time said.

[…]

Children usually indulge in pillow-fight as a game, where they fight using pillows, which being soft does not cause any injuries.

No problem with that. But when the pillows are named Nita and Tina, the solution isn’t all that easy.

On this special day, Manishwa wishes you all a very happy birthday.

Have a great day.

Sanjay Gandhi’s approach to sterilisation is well known.

Here’s Maneka’s Gandhi’s approach:

Killing [of stray dogs] has not been able to achieve that [reduce number of dogs and bites] in 50 years and crores of dogs have been killed. Sterilization is the only method that has brought down the number of dogs dramatically.

And here is Varun Gandhi’s approach:

In logon ko pakad pakad ke nasbandi karaana padega…nasbandi karaana padega

Well, I think – If Sanjay and Maneka Gandhi had seriously thought about the sterilisation issue, we wouldn’t have stray Varuns on the street.

Okay, this is almost a couple of weeks old – but I couldn’t resist blogging it. Apparently, Angelina caught Brad Pitt giving the nanny a backrub and gave him a tight slap.

Hollywood’s most talked about couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt seems to be going through a rough time as media reports suggest that the actress allegedly slapped Pitt after catching him on the bed rubbing the back of their female employee.

[…]

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button star was reportedly left ‘stunned’ by the act and stormed out of the couple’s home and went for a four hour motorbike ride to calm down.

Well, you get to backrub a pretty nanny; plus a four-hour motorbike ride – away from the nagging wife. All at a price of a slap. That’s a good bargain, right?

Self-appointed Prime Minister Lal Krishna Advani apparently is too excited about the Internet.  He suddenly is receiving chain mails like all of us – and has decided the government policy should be decided based on these email forwards.

Mr.Advani now wants all black money stashed away in Swiss banks by Indians brought back. And he promises to do that if he comes to power. Well,  how a man who couldn’t negotiate a few hijackers – will arm-twist Swiss bankers is beyond me.

But Mr. Advani has a lot of figures to quote from a “credible source” called the Wikipedia.

Quoting Wikipedia, which he described as the “most credible” source of information, Mr. Advani said that in 2007, holdings in Swiss banks by Indians were estimated at $5.7 billion, up from $2.6 billion in 2001

His  press release says:

It is equally well known that many wealthy Indians have deposited their illicit monies in secret Swiss bank accounts and tax havens elsewhere around the world. As per credible estimates, these amounts range between $500 billion (Rs. 25,00,000 crore) and $1400 billion (Rs. 70,00,000 crore).

Now where in the whole Wikipedia do these figures appear? I can’t find any such mention in the Wiki. Probably it has been edited out. But I can tell you precisely where Mr.Advani got those “credible estimates” from.

It comes from a hoax email chain that has been around for a couple of years now.  A version of it is here. Over the past year or so – a number of journalists, web media guys and bloggers have fallen for this and have converted the email contents into news reports and blog posts. And now Advani, the PM-in-waiting too has fallen for it.

Here’s what this legend claims.

Black money in Swiss banks — Swiss Banking Association report, 2006 details bank deposits in the territory of Switzerland by nationals of following countries:

Top five

India—- $1456 billion
Russia—$ 470 billion
UK——-$390 billion
Ukraine- $100 billion
China—–$ 96 billion

Okay, the small problem is that the ‘Swiss Banking Association’ simply doesn’t exist. There is a ‘Swiss Bankers Association’ - but that never released any such report. So, where does Advani’s figures come from?

Further Advani has a crack team in place who will work out a way to bring the money back.

The BJP will form a Task Force comprising experts in law, accounting, management and intelligence to prepare a strategic document for India to recommend ways to get back the national wealth stashed away illegally by the corrupt politicians, venal businessmen and criminal overlords. Shri S. Gurumurthy, well-known chartered accountant and writer specializing in investigative journalism; Dr. R. Vaidyanathan, Professor of Finance at the Indian Institute of Management, Bangalore; Shri Mahesh Jethmalani, a renowned lawyer; and Shri Ajit Doval, an acclaimed national security expert, have agreed to work voluntarily on this Task Force.

Now in addition to Advani – we have a further four idiots who don’t even the know the source of the information they are throwing around – and they will recommend ways to get back the money.

I don’t mind Advani’s populist promises- but at least he could get his facts right.

The European Parliament has banned the use of terms that they think aren’t ‘gender-neutral’, whatever that means.

The European Parliament has prohibited the use of the terms ‘Miss’ and ‘Mrs’ in case they upset female MEPs. 

According to a new “Gender-Neutral Language” guidance, the politicians are required to address female members by their full name only.

It has also revealed that ‘sportsmen’ should be called ‘athletes’, ‘statesmen’ should be referred to as ‘political leaders’ , and terms like ‘synthetic’ or ‘artificial’ should be used in place of ‘man-made’.

The guidance lists has also banned terms for describing professions, including fireman, airhostess,headmaster, policeman, salesman, manageress, cinema usherette and male nurse.

Now I am glad that gender-neutral language isn’t official in our part of the world. Else, we would be struggling to decide on how do we address our beloved nation – no Bharat Mata, no Bharat Pita – then Bharat what?

Worse, we can’t call our Prime Minister by his own name. Sorry, No Manmohan Singh or Womanmohan Singh allowed.

And the worst part – no Manishwa or Womanishwa. Just Ishwa. Isshhh…