Category — What the Fishwa?

Here’s a screenshot from the Times Of India website.

You can apparently now send your resumes to MonsterIndia.com, who are looking for suitable candidates for the position of the Prime Minister of India.

Sadly, the guy called LK Advani, who is advertising just above the advert doesn’ t know about the job opening – and is still harping about the 19 months he spent in jail.

I am sending my resume. Rightaway.

Via: Failblog

Amar Singh accused Congress general secretary Digvijay Singh of insulting Manyata, wife of Sanjay Dutt, as the latter said he didn’t know who she was.

“Digvijay Singh refused to recognise Manyata and insulted her,” Amar Singh told reporters.

Amar Singh who? There we go – I just ended up insulting Amar Singh. Whoever he is.

TOI reports that a New York gentleman,  involved in a bitter divorce – apparently on advice of his lawyer, has demanded his pound of flesh.

A man locked in a bitter divorce battle wants his estranged wife to return the kidney he donated to her or else pay a compensation of $1.5 million.

“There is no deeper pain than betrayal from someone you loved and devoted your whole life to,” Richard Batista, husband of Dawnell Batista said in an interview. Richard, a surgeon, had been married to Dawnell for 15 years and they have three children. In 2001, he donated one of his kidneys to his wife to save her life. 

I wish she does return his kidney – minced, cooked  with onion,  ginger-garlic paste and garnished with finely chopped coriander.

The stories about Air India keep getting weirder. Forget the fact that air-hostesses are sacked for being overweight. The Hawaai-sundaris (as AI would prefer to call them) can be grounded if they have three or more pimples – reports the TOI.

“If it’s more than three, you’re grounded. They’ll wait for the pimples to disappear. If they don’t, you’re likely to be grounded for three months. If you don’t care for your skin, forget about being a flight attendant,” an airline official told TOI.

I assume Air India has officials at each airport who are called Senior Weight Officers (SWO)  or Chief Pimple Officers (CPO).  Probably, just before a flight attendant is scheduled to fly, she is supposed to report to the Chief Pimple Officer . And I assume a conversation like this is routine.

CPO: Show me the left side – ah one… two. And the right cheek… ah one more! Yeh to kal nahin tha… Three pimples, I have to ground you.

Flight Attendant: Teen kahaan hai? There are only two.

CPO: And what about the one on the right cheek?

Flight Attendant: That’s hardly a pimple. It hasn’t developed yet.  2.5 pimples.

CPO: It’s more like 2.75 pimples.

Flight Attendant: But it’s still less than three. The rules say three pimples.

CPO: Okay, you win today. I’ll ground you tomorrow.

Chck this video out from the Karachi Railway Station. Chand Nawab is a star now.

I came across this.

Had I shown a tag like this to my wife, I would be have been assigned washing a tubload of petticoats everyday for the next six months - all hand wash, no machine wash, no tumble dry.

India’s national airline, Air India sacked nine air-hostesses for being overweight.

Air India has begun shedding flab on its domestic network. Nine airhostesses of the national carrier received the bad news over New Year  with a month’s salary in advance – their services had been terminated with immediate effect for being overweight.

Now, you couldn’t expect anything better from an airline which has a portly Maharaja as its mascot.  If this was the US, you could have expected billion dollar lawsuits – which would have quickened the process of Air India going bankrupt.

Now, it is beyond my comprehension on how weighing a few pounds extra could affect the duties of an air-hostess – except if one assumes her job is to be pleasing to the eye. And why are the stout male pursuers still in service? If airline officials feel that this is a fitness issue- and the overweight will not be able to manage the emergency drills, shouldn’t all fat people – including fat passengers be banned from flying?

If there is one profession where being overweight does affect duties – it is the security forces. And today, 90% of India’s policemen would resemble a sack full of potatoes. Why haven’t they been given their termination letters yet?

And when does the day come when one can sack ministers for being overweight?

There’s a 9-year old kid in town who has written a book on how to impress girls. Among his enlightening stuff – which comes 20 years too late for me, Alec Greven writes:

“A crush is like a love disease. It can drive you mad…Many boys get crushes on girls. But it can be very hard to get a girl to like you. Sometimes it takes years. Whatever happens, just don’t act desperate. Girls don’t like desperate boys.”

[..]

“About 73 per cent of regular girls ditch boys; 98 per cent of pretty girls ditch boys. Life is hard, move on.”

The bestselling book by Alec is called How To Talk To Girls. But if you would prefer to listen to a 34–year old not-so-guru – you don’t talk to girls. You simply listen.