Category — What the Fishwa?

The Gender-Neutral Language

The European Parliament has banned the use of terms that they think aren’t ‘gender-neutral’, whatever that means.

The European Parliament has prohibited the use of the terms ‘Miss’ and ‘Mrs’ in case they upset female MEPs. 

According to a new “Gender-Neutral Language” guidance, the politicians are required to address female members by their full name only.

It has also revealed that ‘sportsmen’ should be called ‘athletes’, ‘statesmen’ should be referred to as ‘political leaders’ , and terms like ‘synthetic’ or ‘artificial’ should be used in place of ‘man-made’.

The guidance lists has also banned terms for describing professions, including fireman, airhostess,headmaster, policeman, salesman, manageress, cinema usherette and male nurse.

Now I am glad that gender-neutral language isn’t official in our part of the world. Else, we would be struggling to decide on how do we address our beloved nation – no Bharat Mata, no Bharat Pita – then Bharat what?

Worse, we can’t call our Prime Minister by his own name. Sorry, No Manmohan Singh or Womanmohan Singh allowed.

And the worst part – no Manishwa or Womanishwa. Just Ishwa. Isshhh…

March 17, 2009   16 Comments

The Bossy Wife

PTI reports that celebrity couple Liz Hurley and Arun Nayar are headed for splitsville as Nayar finds his wife “bossy”.

Amid speculations that Liz Hurley and Indian business tycoon Arun Nayar are headed for splitsville, the friends of the couple have claimed that the friction in their marriage is the result of Hurley’s alleged “bossy” behaviour.

“She’s more like a boss than a wife,” a friend of the couple told the Daily Mail.

Wait a minute – aren’t most wives generally bossy? Or is my and Mr. Nayar’s households the rare exceptions?

If wonder if Mr.Nayar can gather a bit of courage (unlike me) and walk over to his boss’ cabin with an application in hand – just like you take a leave application to your boss.

Nayar: I have an application to submit

Liz: For leave? Or a raise?

Nayar: An application for divorce.

Liz: (throwing the application into the bin) Rejected. Anything else?

Nayar: Oh yes, can you at least fire me?

March 17, 2009   4 Comments

Mrs. Eiffel

There is a lady somewhere who has gone on to marry the Eiffel tower.

Erika La Tour Eiffel’s madly in love. Her partner resides in Paris and is the tall, strong and silent type. Yet since they married in a ceremony with friends in the City of Love, the logistics of an intimate relationship have been more than a little challenging. Her  spouse, after all, is the Eiffel Tower.

See – no matter what the experts tell you – size does matter.

Back home I can think of a number of people wanting to marry inanimate structures. Mayawati and Taj Mahal could make a nice pair. Advani, Pawar, Paswan and the likes probably would be desperate to marry 7–RCR.  

March 16, 2009   No Comments

Weather Guarantee

The International Cricket Council comes out with their latest WTF.

The ICC’s Chief Executives’ Committee (CEC) has recommended that the Champions Trophy in September be shifted from Sri Lanka to South Africa following concerns over weather conditions in the island nation during that period. The ICC board is expected to take a final decision on the matter on Monday.

According to the ICC, Sri Lanka Cricket (SLC) were unable to provide a guarantee during a teleconference on Wednesday that there would be no rains in Colombo during the tournament which runs from September 24-October 5.

So did ICC really ask Sri Lanka cricket for a personal guarantee that it won’t rain for two weeks? I can understand things if the ICC asked for a guarantee on issues like security. But who on earth can give anybody a guarantee that they would be no rains, earthquakes or tsunamis?

No wonder with such brains in the ICC, cricket runs so often into rough weather.

March 11, 2009   1 Comment

Vatican And The Washing Machine

The Vatican’s official newspaper Osservatore Romano thinks that the washing machine has had done more for the women’s liberation movement than the contraceptive pill.

“In the 20th century, what contributed most to the emancipation of Western women?” questioned the article. “The debate is still open. Some say it was the pill, others the liberalisation of abortion, or being able to work outside the home. Others go even further: the washing machine.”

The article is entitled, “The washing machine and the emancipation of women: put in the powder, close the lid and relax”.

For someone who spends most of his time washing clothes or dishes the old-school way, I would think there’s some truth to the emancipation bit.

But what delights me the most is the Vatican’s opinion that washing is supposed to be the woman’s job. Sadly, my wife doesn’t seem to agree with that.

I wish she could turn into a Catholic.

March 9, 2009   No Comments

Obama: Yes We Kanth

An interesting poster of the Rajinikanth starrer, Arasan the Don – dubbed from the 1991 flop Khoon ka Karz.

Via: Rediff

March 9, 2009   No Comments

Dear, Mahatma Mallya

Dear Shri Vijay Mallya ji,

Thank you dear Shri Vijay Mallya for spending $1.8 million of your precious money to bring back those personal belongings of Mahatma Gandhi – without which this nation of ours would have been doomed.

And what makes your act even more commendable is the fact that that the money comes from you during these trying times of recession – when 1.8 million could have bought you a couple of specialist 20–20 cricketers for Royal Challengers or a few much needed repairs to your Kingfisher aircrafts.

I promise you – years down the line, when you and and your companies are gone, and if somebody tries to auction off a vintage Kingfisher calendar with your favourite scantily clad models – I will be the first one to try and buy it – because all this is part of India’s unforgettable heritage.

Sincerely yours,

Manishwa

March 8, 2009   No Comments

Buffalo, Swallowed Phones And Missed Calls

The Times of India surely delves deep to dig out some interesting stories.

Buffalo swallows phone, gets 7 missed calls

This buffalo must have been taken aback when it heard a mobile ringing in its tummy. But not as much as the callers. There were seven  missed calls!

[…]

Farmer Ishwar Totager lost his mobile near his cowshed on Monday. He suspects it must have fallen off his shirt pocket while he was cleaning the shed. The mobile was packed in a plastic pouch and the buffalo must have swallowed the pouch.

Totager forgot all about his phone. However, on Wednesday morning, he was surprised to find the pouch in the buffalo dung heap. The phone was not damaged as it had landed on the soft heap. What was more surprising was that the phone had recorded seven missed calls! No one knows what the callers heard. But the buffalo must have heard a ring every time a call was received. It must have wondered where the moo-sic was coming from.

The cell phone provider must be delighted – and probably now working on a campaign featuring the buffalo and harping on the provider’s coverage area – you can get our signal everywhere.

But I am a bit curious on why the Times of India is so concerned about the missed calls. Did it really expect the buffalo to take up the calls when the phone rang?

February 27, 2009   1 Comment

Facebook Cancer

Like it or not, Facebook causes cancer.

Are you a frequent visitor to social networking sites such as Facebook or MySpace? Then there is some bad news for you. The habit can increase the risk of health problems as serious as cancer. A report in a science journal Biologist has claimed that logging on to these sites frequently could increase the risk of cancer and other major disorders such as strokes, heart disease and dementia. “Emailing people rather than meeting up with them may have wide-ranging biological effects,” said psychologist Aric Sigman in his report published the journal.

Dr.Ramadoss should soon be in action with an important announcement that bans Facebook in India.

But if this report concerns you a bit, all is not lost. An older report hints at how porn sites could reduce cancer.

Men could reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer through regular masturbation, researchers suggest. They say cancer-causing chemicals could build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

Now you know which kind of sites you should you be surfing.

February 20, 2009   No Comments

The Transformed Goat

This is almost a month-old news, but still worth blogging. Police in Nigeria are holding a goat accused of attempting to steal a car.

“The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car,” Tunde Mohammed, a spokesman for Kwara state police, told Reuters.

“They pursued them. However, one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat,” he said. While Mr Mohammed said he could not confirm whether a man had, in fact, turned into a goat, he did admit that the animal was in police custody. A photo of the goat, resting on its knees next to a pile of straw, was published in Nigeria’s Vanguard newspaper.

I tell you, it’s a matter of time before the Mumbai police spot this story and do their own replication. Don’t be surprised if a donkey is produced in a Mumbai court in the near future with the police claiming – that’s a transformed Dawood.

February 18, 2009   No Comments