Category — Videshwa

Domestic Protectionism

Though I understand very less about Barack Obama’s alliterative comment about Buffalo, Bangalore,  protectionism and outsourcing, somehow I have the feeling that Mr.President is increasingly sounding like my wife.

Not sure exactly what protectionism is all about – but it does sound like putting a barbed fence all around your place and banning all interaction with the outside world.

Now you get a hint of how things work at my place.

Just as Obama would like all his countrymen employed, my wife thinks I should be constantly have a job at hand. And that’s why no outsourcing. So it’s me who has to do all the chores – right from the dishes, washing, drying and the ironing. No outside help like the presswaala  allowed. Cost-cutting, you see. And instead of wasting time watching a cricket match, I have to water the garden in 44 degree heat.  Something the maali could have done.

But worse is the restraint imposed  on interacting with the outside world. All calls coming through – specially if it is a lady caller are thoroughly screened. And you cannot even eye the neighbour’s wife. Protectionism – or whatever it is, at its worst. And all it does is end you up in depression.

For those who think Obama should change his opinion on outsourcing- make him clean the dishes, wash the clothes of the entire family and clean up Bo’s poop for a week. And you’ll soon see him sing praises of Bangalore, Beijing and Bucharest. 

May 6, 2009   2 Comments

Tiger Woods, Dishes, Trash

Tiger Woods tells us that he understands his wife’s language pretty well.

Another probing question: Does Woods speak Swedish around the house? (It’s the native tongue of his wife, Elin.)

“I speak a little. It’s not very good,” Woods said. “I’m better at reading than I am anything else. Or ‘Take out the trash’ or ‘Clean the house,’ ‘Wash dishes,’ I understand those.”

Doesn’t matter if you are world’s richest sportsman or a penniless blogger – there are a few things you simply can’t escape – death, taxes and the dishes.

Update: And here’s what GWB has to go through:

Bush also said that after the transfer of power, he flopped on the couch and sighed, “Free at last”. And, to this, his wife Laura replied jokingly, “You’re free to do the dishes.”

April 23, 2009   2 Comments

Earthquakes And Camping Weekends

Italy has just seen has seen one of its worst ever earthquakes – and yet another gaffe from the Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi.

The Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi, today sparked controversy when he said the 17,000 people made homeless by Monday’s earthquake should think of themselves as being on a “camping weekend”.

Berlusconi made the remark during an interview with a German television channel as he visited one of the emergency camps set up to cater for people who have lost their homes in the disaster.

The quake, which devastated the city of L’Aquila and surrounding towns and villages, has now claimed 260 lives. Berlusconi told the reporter for the N-TV channel that the homeless quake victims “lacked nothing”.”They have medicaments. They have hot food. They have shelter for the night,” he said.

“Of course, their current lodgings are a bit temporary. But they should see it like a weekend of camping.”

While the rest of the world has pounced on Berlusconi for his insensitivity, I really don’t think his comments deserve all that criticism. Berlusconi, is in fact right. When you think of a post-earthquake homeless experience as a camping trip – it does make your mood lighter. In every tragedy one goes through,  the person has to look at the brighter things of life – or assume that this is yet another adventure you are going through.

Imagine if you are caught in a flood and your house is cut-off from the rest of the world. Simply think of it as Blue Lagoon kinda experience. If you are caught in a hotel with terrorists shooting everyone around – think of it as an opportunity to play the banian-clad Bruce Willis in Die-Hard. If you are caught in a worse tragedy – like a movie where Aishwarya and Hrithik Roshan attempt acting- think of it as a trip to the Madame Tussauds wax museum.

And if you are caught in a Himesh Reshammiya concert – well you can’t do anything. In fact you are dead, admitted into hell for your past paaps and there is no way out.

April 11, 2009   No Comments

Kevin Pietersen’s 11 Weeks

England’s star cricketer is a troubled man after being away from the action for 11 weeks.

England batsman Kevin Pietersen has said that he misses his wife Jessica Taylor terribly, and has vowed never to stay away from her for 11 months ever again. Kevin Pietersen has said that he misses his wife terribly, and has vowed never to stay away from her for 11 weeks ever again.

What a duffer. I would give my left hand for a 11-hour break from my wife. (I need the right hand to prepare my drink).

Some guys have all the luck – and they don’t even realize that. 11 weeks! Imagine what I could do – but then, that is a futile flight of fancy…

April 3, 2009   3 Comments

Brangelina, Nanny, Slap

Okay, this is almost a couple of weeks old – but I couldn’t resist blogging it. Apparently, Angelina caught Brad Pitt giving the nanny a backrub and gave him a tight slap.

Hollywood’s most talked about couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt seems to be going through a rough time as media reports suggest that the actress allegedly slapped Pitt after catching him on the bed rubbing the back of their female employee.

[…]

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button star was reportedly left ‘stunned’ by the act and stormed out of the couple’s home and went for a four hour motorbike ride to calm down.

Well, you get to backrub a pretty nanny; plus a four-hour motorbike ride – away from the nagging wife. All at a price of a slap. That’s a good bargain, right?

March 31, 2009   1 Comment

The Gender-Neutral Language

The European Parliament has banned the use of terms that they think aren’t ‘gender-neutral’, whatever that means.

The European Parliament has prohibited the use of the terms ‘Miss’ and ‘Mrs’ in case they upset female MEPs. 

According to a new “Gender-Neutral Language” guidance, the politicians are required to address female members by their full name only.

It has also revealed that ‘sportsmen’ should be called ‘athletes’, ‘statesmen’ should be referred to as ‘political leaders’ , and terms like ‘synthetic’ or ‘artificial’ should be used in place of ‘man-made’.

The guidance lists has also banned terms for describing professions, including fireman, airhostess,headmaster, policeman, salesman, manageress, cinema usherette and male nurse.

Now I am glad that gender-neutral language isn’t official in our part of the world. Else, we would be struggling to decide on how do we address our beloved nation – no Bharat Mata, no Bharat Pita – then Bharat what?

Worse, we can’t call our Prime Minister by his own name. Sorry, No Manmohan Singh or Womanmohan Singh allowed.

And the worst part – no Manishwa or Womanishwa. Just Ishwa. Isshhh…

March 17, 2009   16 Comments

Bodily Fluids And Cricket Commentary

The BCCI  is so panicky about any of its members coming in touch with the ICL rebels, that it has tried to keep Craig McMillan (Of the ICL league) away from the commentary box in the India-NZ cricket series. The New Zealand Herald has an interesting take on this:

It’s one thing to pull two players out of a festival match in case they’re contaminated by ex-ICL bacterium Hamish Marshall.

It’s two things to have New Zealand Cricket general manager of cricket Geoff Allott ring ICL virus Daryl Tuffey to ask him to withdraw from a State Championship match. But it’s a truly absurd thing to flex their muscles in the commentary box for fear that Ravi Shastri (IPL) and Craig McMillan (ICL) might accidentally exchange bodily fluids that could eventually infect all the right-thinking people of the cricketing world.

Now, I am not sure on the exact procedure Ravi Shastri and McMillan would use to exchange bodily fluids, but if they did it on live television, that would be lot more fascinating than all the cricket, no?

March 17, 2009   No Comments

The Bossy Wife

PTI reports that celebrity couple Liz Hurley and Arun Nayar are headed for splitsville as Nayar finds his wife “bossy”.

Amid speculations that Liz Hurley and Indian business tycoon Arun Nayar are headed for splitsville, the friends of the couple have claimed that the friction in their marriage is the result of Hurley’s alleged “bossy” behaviour.

“She’s more like a boss than a wife,” a friend of the couple told the Daily Mail.

Wait a minute – aren’t most wives generally bossy? Or is my and Mr. Nayar’s households the rare exceptions?

If wonder if Mr.Nayar can gather a bit of courage (unlike me) and walk over to his boss’ cabin with an application in hand – just like you take a leave application to your boss.

Nayar: I have an application to submit

Liz: For leave? Or a raise?

Nayar: An application for divorce.

Liz: (throwing the application into the bin) Rejected. Anything else?

Nayar: Oh yes, can you at least fire me?

March 17, 2009   4 Comments

Mrs. Eiffel

There is a lady somewhere who has gone on to marry the Eiffel tower.

Erika La Tour Eiffel’s madly in love. Her partner resides in Paris and is the tall, strong and silent type. Yet since they married in a ceremony with friends in the City of Love, the logistics of an intimate relationship have been more than a little challenging. Her  spouse, after all, is the Eiffel Tower.

See – no matter what the experts tell you – size does matter.

Back home I can think of a number of people wanting to marry inanimate structures. Mayawati and Taj Mahal could make a nice pair. Advani, Pawar, Paswan and the likes probably would be desperate to marry 7–RCR.  

March 16, 2009   No Comments

Musharraf, The Third Umpire

Former Pakistan president Pervez Musharraf want’s to play the role of the third umpire in the India-Pakistan disputes.

Mush wants to be third umpire between India and Pakistan.

I guess he would want action replays as well – of perhaps, Kargil?

March 9, 2009   No Comments