Category — Personal

Ten Things Women Love To Hear

The Times of India has just discovered 10 things that women love to hear. Here’s the list:

‘You look gorgeous!’
‘You are the first woman in my life’
‘You are great in bed’
‘You’ll make a great mother’
‘Will you spend your life with me?’
‘What do you think about ………….?’
‘You are my dearest pal’ 
‘I am lucky to have you’
‘You know what’s on my mind’
‘I love you’

Now a very eager me tried to put all the above to test. Here’s what I got:

Me: You look gorgeous!
She: Of course I look gorgeous. But you still have to do the dishes tonight

Me: You are the first woman in my life
She: And let me assure you, I’ll be the last as well.

Me: You are great in bed
She: And you are great at the sink

Me: You’ll make a great mother
She: I am a great mother – and hurry up with the dishes please

Me: Will you spend your life with me?
She: Do you think you have a choice?

Me: What do you think about  my new shirt?
She: Fantastic – now don’t soil it when you are doing the dishes

Me: You are my dearest pal
She: And you are my dearest dishwasher

Me: I am lucky to have you
She: Same here – how would I manage those dirty dishes without you?

Me: You know what’s on my mind
She: No, we haven’t run out of dish detergents yet. I have an extra box stacked away

March 6, 2009   6 Comments

When you ROFL…

… do you really roll on the floor, laughing?

No, I am not asking about ROFLMAO for now.

February 18, 2009   No Comments

Happy Belantine’s Day!

While I try to keep dodging belans and other assorted missiles at home, hope you all have a safe and wonderful Valentine’s day.

Do try and stick to your respective partners, do not buy multiple “You-are-my-only-love” cards and have a great time.

Meanwhile, I have my belantine to deal with…

February 13, 2009   5 Comments

Manishwa doesn’t win an award

Well, there are plenty of awards I haven’t won in my lifetime. For instance, the Padmashree that could have been mine went to somebody called Aishwarya.

Well, announcing a not-wining of an award isn’t something to boast about – but being a self-obsessed guy, I am extremely proud of all my non-achievements.

So, last month there was a competition for a “book cover design” conducted by arguably India’s most popular blogger, Amit Varma for his debut novel ‘My Friend, Sancho’. I inundated Amit Varma’s inbox with my designs – with their quality ranging from the pretty average to the absolutely rotten.

At the end of the day, Amit and his publishers got fed up – and happily announced that I hadn’t won the competition.

But Amit was kind enough to give my efforts a mention. And he even showcased a few of my design efforts – a couple that didn’t get selected. The publishers have promised me a hamper of books (Hopefully they include Asterix comics). And a probable chance of working on more book covers. This does sound interesting.

As for Amit’s debut book – My Friend, Sancho should be out sometime in April. Here’s an excerpt if you would like a preview.

Below are a few other designs that I had sent across – but for various reasons, didn’t get selected.

Meanwhile, did I tell you about the chess game I played against Vineetwa during my college days– when I had finished as the runner-up?

Flame-tn Newspaper-tn Tic-tac-toe-tn

February 4, 2009   7 Comments

Breakwa

A few urgent matters have cropped up. So I will be away from the blog for a couple of days. Hope to be back by Monday.

Meanwhile, enjoy the weekendwa.

January 17, 2009   3 Comments

The Wife’s Job

I came across this.

Wifes-job

Had I shown a tag like this to my wife, I would be have been assigned washing a tubload of petticoats everyday for the next six months - all hand wash, no machine wash, no tumble dry.

January 5, 2009   1 Comment

Happy New Year!

It’s new year eve– whether you are headed out to a celebration with friends or opting for a cozy night in with good food and someone special, or doing something productive as cleaning dishes like me – I wish you all a very safe and happy New Year’s Eve and a 2009 filled with peace.

See you next year.

 

December 31, 2008   6 Comments

Hyderabadi Mangoes

More than a decade ago, when I was in my first job, I lived in a small rented apartment along with two other roommates. One, was a childhood friend from school – let’s call him Tinu for now. The other was a Hyderabadi. The Hyderabadi, wasn’t a roommate by our choice – but ended up in our apartment due to a few strange circumstances. But that’s another story.

Hyderabadis, just in case you haven’t realized it yet, are pretty interesting characters. This one was no exception. He had this terribly annoying habit of crashing into every conversation with “Hamaare Hyderabad mein..“. So, if we were talking about biryanis, he would butt in with – “Biryani toh haamare Hyderabad mein miltaa hai…“.  If we talked about movies, “Acting to Hyderabad mein Chiranjeevi karta hai“…. And so on. Everything I or Tinu had or could do, Hyderabadis could do it better.

Let’s get back to the story. It was one lazy Sunday afternoon – when we pooled money to buy a kilo of mangoes. Mangoes, for people like me were quite a luxury – and they were usually ridiculously priced. The rich man’s fruit, as I always thought of them. As I, Tinu and the friend from Hyderabad indulged in our mangoes, I casually told Tinu – “Lagtaa hai aam khaane ke liye ab udhaar lena padega.”.

The Hyderabadi, as usual,  was quick to barge in. “Aam to hamaare Hyderabad mein milta hai. Hamaare  yahaan ek special variety ka aam milta hai – bahut hi meetha. Poora yellow rang ka hota hai… aur usme chotey chotey kaale spots hotey hai“.

He paused for effect and then continued -”Hamaare yahaan usey Malgova kehte hai“.

My friend Tinu, first looked at me.  Then looked at the Hyderabadi, and casually said – “Hamaare yahaan usey kela kehte hain“.

That was the last time we heard the Hamaare Hyderabad from him.

PS: I don’t recall the exact variety of mango he mentioned, but for convenience sake, I have called it the Malgova.

December 28, 2008   1 Comment

The Wife’s Surname

I might be the from the rare breed of husbands who gets addressed by the wife’s surname. My wife’s last name happens to be Kumar – and I get addressed as Mr.Kumar more than I am addressed by my real surname.

No, it doesn’t have to do anything with the fact that she earns more than me, she goes out to work and I am a house-husband (who does unproductive things like blogging) or I am the one who is assigned to do the dishes. But I am still the one who wears the trousers (Ok, boxer shorts), while she wears the ridiculously priced sarees and salwar suits.

Yet, I am supposed to be Mr. Kumar. And it has to do more with circumstances rather than my own choice. Allow me to explain.

When we got married, she already had a bunch of educational qualifications, professional certifications, bank accounts and tax accounts – all with her maiden name “Kumar”. It was a pain to try and change all that – so we continued with unchanged names for all official purposes. Now, the lady has the habit of issuing cheques – even for paltry sums. So everyone – from the doodhwala, cablewala to the kiraana ki dukaan were issued cheques. And all had the signatory as a certain “Mrs.Kumar”. And suddenly everyone in the neighbourhood thought that this my name was Kumar.

And whenever I walked out – all greeted me politely. “Kya haal hai Kumaar Saab?” I usually clenched my fists, returned my best fake smile – all the while muttering – saale, Kumar mere sasure ka naam hai. Things kept getting worse. All her colleagues thought that I was Mr.Kumar. All calls from them addressed me as Mr. Kumar – and wedding invitations were always addressed to Mrs. And Mr.Kumar. Soon, I got used to it.

That brings me to the Why-The-Hellwa question: why can’t the husband take the wife’s surname? Why does it always have to be the other way round? Or simpler still, why do they have to change names in the first place? There are some Maharashtrians and Bongs who go on to force-change the wife’s first-name after a wedding as well – but you can’t expect much from these idiots.

Let’s assume I have an aunt called Raffu Chakkar. Who goes on to marry someone called Champu Darzi at the ripe young age of 52. Now, why should my bechaari aunt be called Raffu Darzi? Why can’t my uncle now be called Champu Chakkar? Doesn’t the latter sound so attractive, amazing and alliterative?

The patriarchal society is dead. The fact that Eve was created from Adam’s ribs sounds good only on a Sunday afternoon. Still there are people (and courts) who create such a fuss when somebody decides to take his wife’s surname.

That brings me to the Bollywood’s so called first-family.  The first-family of nautanki to be precise. Why should the former Miss World be called Aishwarya Bachchan after her wedding?

Let’s try and compare things between Aishwarya and Abhishek. She earns more than him, has a lot more fans, has more Google searches, has more hit films, is a lot more smarter (he fell for her didn’t he?), is more sexier than him, and commands a better price. So why shouldn’t the Dostana stud be called Abhishek Rai?

Give me one reason why Aishwarya Rai’s trophy-husband shouldn’t be called Abhishek Rai.

Fortunately, there are people who don’t mind taking up their wife’s surname. Click here, here or here for more stories.

December 19, 2008   10 Comments

Sex Horrorscope 2009

The Times of India has released its Love and Sex Horoscope for 2009, imaginatively titled Love-o-scope - written by experts from Astroyogi and Ganesha Speaks. Check out a few samples:

Revamp your daily schedule to find more time for sex. Prolonged foreplay helps in feeling the depth of love making.

Getting intimate with someone other than your partner causes trouble.

Sexual bliss lies in seeking variety. Right from positions to places – a change is what you want. Adventure in open places helps in enjoying togetherness.

Food can be your way to pleasure. If a balanced diet keeps you healthy, gorging on aphrodisiacs will spark up the sex front!

Change the way you make love. Don’t hurry-up. Go for enough foreplay to excite your partner. Don’t miss a chance to exchange a sweet dialouge during love making. Showering your partner with gifts won’t be a bad option, especially gadgets that are related to communication like CDs, cell phones etc.

Now, I know my new year resolution for 2009. Celibacy.

December 18, 2008   3 Comments