Category — Deshwa

The Wife’s Vote

A Lok Sabha candidate from Madhya Pradesh has never managed to get his wife’s vote.

Jain, 55, is contesting from Indore as an independent for a record 27th time and is busy campaigning. But he always fails to “woo” his wife Rajkumari Jain, who votes for his rival.

Ask him why his wife doesn’t vote for him and he says: “Bai bai ko vote deti hai (women vote for women).

See, that is one reason I never stand for elections. One can never trust your wife to vote for you. And if 50% of my vote-bank isn’t going to vote for me, no point in contesting.

April 26, 2009   1 Comment

Hungry Cop

A policeman who was caught accepting a bribe – tries to destroy evidence by swallowing the money.

A police constable, who took Rs 1000 bribe, swallowed the cash after anti-corruption bureau sleuths caught him in the act on Saturday. 

Constable Vijay Kalaskar who swallowed two Rs 500 notes claimed that he took the bribe on behalf of sub-inspector Madhavrao Shinde.


“When Kalaskar noticed that we were running towards him, he tried to flee but we nabbed him. He swallowed the currency notes. We took him to Government Medical College and Hospital for medical examination. The stomach wash, stool and urine of the constable would be sent for chemical analysis,” said Karmarkar.

Now, a stool test will decide the fate of a bribery case – that must be a first of its kind.  Now we know exactly why the cops in India are better known as paise-khaane waale police force. 

April 26, 2009   1 Comment

The Juvenile Kasab

Ajamal Kasab’s new counsel is Abbas Kazmi one street-smart lawyer. He has contended that contented that Kasab was just 17 at the time of Mumbai massacre and should be tried in a juvenile court. The plea, of course has been rejected.

The special Sessions court located inside the Arthur Road jail turned down the appeal of Mumbai terror accused Ajamal Kasab that he should be tried in a juvenile court.

Abbas Kazmi, the newly appointed counsel of Kasab, contented that Ajmal Kasab was just 17 at the time of Mumbai massacre, so the case should be proceeded in a juvenile court under the juvenile laws.

If people can accept that Shahid Afridi was just 16 when he scored that thrilling 37 ball century (and even believe that he is 29 years old as of today), they could accept that Kasab is just 17. Or maybe even 14.



April 23, 2009   No Comments

Aamir Khan, The Toilet Cleaner

Aamir Khan has offered to personally clean toilets of single-screen theatres – all to ensure that Vashu Bhagnani’s film Kal Kisne Dekha does well at the box-office.

At the meeting of the United Producers & Distributors Association (UPDA) Vashu Bhagnani’s hands and feet went cold with nervousness and pleasure when Aamir Khan walked up to him and assured the worried producer that his son’s debut film Kal Kisne Dekha will get a royal release in single theatres even if the multiplex theatres remain unavailable.

Aamir said, ‘Vashuji, we’ll make sure that the mutiplex audiences will head towards single theatres to see your son’s film. I will personally clean the w.c. if we have to. But don’t worry, your film will get the proper release.’

Hmmm. After the Ghajini haircut hype unleashed on the multiplexes, I won’t be surprised if more people buy tickets to watch Aamir Khan clean the toilets rather than watch yet another producer-ka-beta‘s debut film. And if someone from Harpic is listening – it’s time to grab the opportunity and sign Aamir Khan as its brand ambassador.

But strangely, I still can’t figure the connection between cleaning the WCs and a box-office hit. Unless, Kal Kisne Dekha - pretty much like Ghajini – is load of crap.

April 16, 2009   1 Comment

More TOI Headlines

Atiq’s wife seeks votes for her him
For her, him or someone in between?

Students get degree
What else do they expect to get? A Lok Sabha election ticket?

Flying teachers bail out colleges

Three held for stocking 40kg ephedrine in Thane godown
Had they stocked it in a Ghatkopar godown, would that be okay?

April 12, 2009   No Comments

The Open Front Fashion

I love this Times of India Headline:

It has become a fashion to open fronts: Sonia

But sadly, the story had nothing to do with Twinkle and Akshay Kumar.

April 11, 2009   No Comments

Four Captains And A Politburo

Kolkata Knight Riders and the four-captain theory is at least getting the team much needed free publicity. While Sunny Gavaskar rubbishes Shah Rukh Khan and John Buchanan’s latest brainwave – King Khan is quick to point out that KKR is his team – and he’ll do anything he likes with it. And if Gavaskar wants his ideas to be put into practice, he should buy his own Chinchpokli Champions XI.  I think that’s fair enough – it’s SRK’s team and he’s free to do whatever he likes.

(Does this have anything to do with Gavaskar being pelted with eggs by the Calcutta crowd in the mid-80s? Well I don’t know)

But let’s come back to the four captain theory. I think that’s the way to go about it. After all, that’s how Kolkata works… I can now tell you what SRK and Buchanan precisely have in mind.

One, the four captains won’t be called ‘Captains’. They’ll address each other as ‘Comrades’ and the collective team of four will be called the KKR Politburo. And then there would be a General Secretary called John Buchanan – who in turn would be reporting on a hotline to SRK, who for some strange reason would be based in China.

When there’s a bowling change to be made or the fine leg to be brought inside the circle – the game would be called to a pause – a politburo meeting held – and then the General Secretary would take a decision. In case of problems, the call to China can immediately be made for a final decision.

Just in case a solution isn’t in sight – just as the game is slipping away quickly from KKR, the politburo will simply call the rest of the players (also called the trade union) and they’ll dig up the pitch, stone the floodlights, threaten the umpires, bash up rival players – and ensure a match abandoned.

That way KKR can never lose a match.

For those who pooh-pooh the four captain theory, just a reminder that it has worked for 32 years in Bengal now. And no reason why it shouldn’t work for another 32.

April 6, 2009   No Comments

Does Your Wife Earn More Than You?

…that’s the TOI debate of the day.

Irrespective of our tall claims of gender equality, there’s an overwhelming belief in society that the man is the primary breadwinner and the woman the homemaker. This often leads to a major friction when the woman rakes in more moolah than the male. While we comfort ourselves that money has nothing to do with love, very often an imbalanced paycheck causes damage to a relationship. Is the income of your spouse actually that significant to make or mar your relationship? If you are a man, will you be affected if your wife earns more? If you’re a wife, would your respect for your man plunge if he earns less than you?

The point really isn’t about who earns more – the wife or the husband. What really matters is who spends more-on usually useless things. And that is something we all know, right?

April 6, 2009   2 Comments

The Oldest Frog

PTI reports that the world’s oldest frog has been discovered.

Scientists in New Zealand claimed to have found the world’s oldest frog — aged 37. The Maud Island frog, nicknamed Wellington by researchers, also has two other geriatric friends, a male, Gollum, 35, and a female, Xena, 34.

I wonder if the Wellington the frog can still croak as it could when it was younger. That somehow reminds me – how old is Himesh? Aah, 35 says the Wikipedia. Another record missed.

April 2, 2009   2 Comments

Ambani Brothers, Pillow Fights

The Time magazine has useful tips for the warring Ambani brothers.

Ahead of finalising its list of 100 most influential people in the world, prestigious US magazine Time has advised one of the probables Mukesh Ambani to settle his spat with younger sibling Anil over a ‘pillow fight’ using pillows stuffed with $1,000 bills.

“Our proposal: duke it out using pillows stuffed with $1,000 bills,” Time said.


Children usually indulge in pillow-fight as a game, where they fight using pillows, which being soft does not cause any injuries.

No problem with that. But when the pillows are named Nita and Tina, the solution isn’t all that easy.

April 1, 2009   No Comments