Category — Bollywood

TOI reports that Delhi-6 director, the extremely generous Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra, has gone ahead and gifted Abhishek Bachchan 51 jars of pickles.

What do you gift a guy who has everything? That was probably the question on Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra’s mind when the director was thinking of a gift for Abhishek Bachchan whose birthday is tomorrow.

He then came up with the unique idea of gifting the actor 51 different kinds of pickles! Why pickles? “During the making of Delhi 6, I realised that Abhishek has a taste for Indian food. He used to gorge on local delicacies

That’s how this came to my mind,” explains Mehra, who ordered the pickles from Khadi Bauli, India’s biggest achaar market. “They will be packed in traditional earthen pots and sent to him,” adds Mehra.

Honestly, what do you gift a guy who has everything? If you ask Manishwa, a little bit of brains to begin with. Maybe a hit film (without a tax-free status from the UP government).  Probably a Padma Vibhushan award that makes him stand taller before his wife. And of course 51 jars of pickles.

But then the 51 pickle gift has provoked me into accumulating the best of PJs – not Poor Jokes as you might assume – but the best of Pickle Jokes. Some plagiarized, some paraphrased, and of course the rare purely original PJ.

What’s Abhishek’s favourite film?
Dill-i-6,  of course

How does Abhishek know there are 510 kilos of pickles under his bed?
He is closer to the ceiling.

How did Abhishek react to his wife getting the Padmashree instead of him? 
Award ka achaar dalegi?

What’s the difference between Aishwarya and the pickle?
Given the chance, the pickle can act.

What’s the difference between the pickle and Aishwarya?
If Abhishek doesn’t know, somebody tell him to stop calling the pickle – oh daahling

Is Abhishek really younger than Aishwarya?
Oh yes, but she is treated with preservatives.

Why does Abhishek think marriage is like a pickle?
Because he found it a jar-ring experience

Why did Abhishek dump Dipannita, Karishma, Lara and Rani?
Because an Aish is hand is worth a-chaar in the bush.

Why did Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra gift Abhishek 51 jars of pickles?
What else do you gift someone who has ruined your film – a Bentley?

The Indian Express reports on 12 new species of frogs being discovered in the Western Ghats an how SD Biju of Delhi University had fun in naming them.

The new discoveries – all bright tree or shrub frogs – are Philautus chota, Philautus jayarami, Philautus marki, Philautus sushili, Philautus munnarensis, Philautus kani, Philautus kaikatti, Philautus chromasynchysi, Philautus chlorosomma, Philautus amboli and Philautus akroparallagi.

Biju has come up with the names, and had a little fun in the process. Philautus chota was named for its size – a puny creature at around 16 mm. The “most beautiful” Philautus jayarami was named after K Jayaram, a Chennai-based wildlife photographer who has travelled extensively with Biju. “I name all my frogs. That is one of the few privileges I have,” Biju joked.

If I were Biju, I certainly would have done things differently. I would have given them names that they would be proud to croak about.

The frog that croaks the loudest: Philautus Reshammiyus

The frog with amnesia: Philautus Ghajinitis

The frog that cannot count: Philautus Ramlingus

The frog that can’t sing: Philautus IndianIdolus

The hen-pecked frog: Philautus Duttitis

The frog that resembles Hrithik Roshan: Philautus Bawejatis

The frog that goes into hibernation during rains: Philautus Rajthackreyus

The frog that does the best flip-flops: Philautus Advanius

The frog made of plastic (and has a politician uncle): Padmashree Philautus

The frog that simply sits and does nothing: Philautus Shivrajsis

The frog that looks like a toad: Philautus Amarsinghus

With Slumdog, news about dogs are in vogue. An Australian newspaper now reports on how an Indian girl was married off to a dog.

Villagers in India have “married” off a young girl to a stray dog to ward off an evil spirit which they believed was threatening the family.

The locals at Munda Dhanda village  in Jharkhand state, performed the ceremony as they believe it will overcome any curse that might fall on the family.

Interestingly, the girl is free to get married later in life to a man without even seeking a divorce.

Now, I have read previous reports of  people being married off to trees and even dishwashers. But I thought getting married to a dog was bizarre, till I carried out a private little survey of my own.

“What’s new?”, retorted a lady. “Most women are married to dogs.”

Woof.

The film’s composer Pritam Chakraborty does. Can Billu Barber please give him a hair-cut. And a shave?

That must be the joke of the year. Or the year of the joke, I am not too certain.

Though the Bachchan family’s official pimp, Amar Singh had a role to play in getting Ms.Rai Bachchan the award, it is encouraging that the Government of India is now honouring people manufactured from PVC as well.  

I wonder what what would happen if I go on to award Padma with the Aishwaryashree…  that’s way too dangerous to even think about.

No, it isn’t a sequel for Slumdog Millionaire. The slumdog critics have finally got their vengeance.

Nicholas Almeida, a social activist and slum dweller -  a critic of the award-winning movie “Slumdog Millionaire” has named stray dogs after those involved in the film to protest against the title.

Almeida said he would continue to press for the movie’s title to be changed, but has meanwhile held a naming ceremony for stray dogs in the slum to publicise his cause.

“I have named them Danny, Christian, Loveleen, Dev and Freida,” he said, referring to the director, producer, co-director Loveleen Tandan, star Dev Patel and leading lady Freida Pinto.

Way to go. Now, I would be even more delighted if these celebrity canines get an invitation to the Oscar night.

Yesterday as I walked into a local multiplex to watch Slumdog Millionaire, I was amazed to see almost every employee sporting an extremely short haircut. When curiosity couldn’t resist, I grabbed an usher  with a similar hairdo and asked him why was everyone sporting the Obama cut? What the new Prez such a huge hit?

Nothing to do with Obama, he said. Three weeks ago the management had forced all its staff to go for the Ghajini cut as part of the promotional act. Thankfully, Ghajini is gone, the hair is getting back – and it now resembles Barack Obama’s hair cut. Splendid timing, I thought.

Just in case they let the hair grow interrupted for six more months, it would grow into the Himesh Reshammiya hairstyle – probably just in time when his next release comes along. As if one Reshammiya wasn’t enough for the world, imagine several Reshammiyas all around you. A chill runs down the spine.

Just last week Sanjay Dutt, potential MP and confirmed MCP, flexed his muscles in an interview – and showed women what he thought was their rightful place.  A few excerpts as a quick recap.

Girls who become part of a new family after marriage must assume their new surname and all the responsibilities that come with it.

That’s a message not just to my sisters, but to all girls who hang on to their parents’ surname. It’s become fashionable these days. But I strongly feel that doing so disrespects the person they’ve married.

…if Manyata had said that she wanted to retain her father’s surname, I would’ve felt offended.

Had my mother been alive, she would’ve happily accepted Manyata. Manyata is a homemaker, just like my mother was.

While some might argue that Manyata Dutt really had no choice but to take up the Dutt surname – for the simple reason that she didn’t have a last name of her own. More on that some other time. Meanwhile, Indian Express comes up with a profile of Manyata Dutt today.

Family insiders reveal that Manyata wields iron-fisted control over his life. She has phased out many of his old friends who she felt were fleecing her husband. Dutt’s longtime secretary Kaleem Khan was also shown the door. Ditto for buddies Sanjay Gupta and Nitin Manmohan. Manyata handles her husband’s finances, looks after his diet and has a huge say in Sanju’s film decisions.

Hmmm.. so much for those macho quotes in the interview. But it’s a situation I am quite familiar with. Ghar ke baahar sher, ghar ke andar sheru.

My favourite politician Amar Singh organised his 78th press conference of the month. This time to expose the wounds he had suffered at the hands of UP policemen in Gorakhpur. The UP policemen had earlier mocked Amar Singh and challenged him to show his injury marks before the media.

“I want you to see the wound on my forehead, which I received in Gorakhpur due to lathi charge by the police”, Singh told reporters.

He also claimed to have received injuries in other parts of his body during protests in Gorakhpur on Chief Minister Mayawati’s birthday which he said he was ready to show to the reporters but not in public.

In the end, it ended up as a pretty dull affair – with Amar Singh not going public with his body marks. It would have highly entertaining to watch Amar Singh in one of those John Abraham poses. No?