Posts from — June 2009

One-Sided Report

A forensic laboratory in Hyderabad  reported that the CD of Varun Gandhi’s speech made in March was not doctored. And Maneka Gandhi, expectedly, jumps in with her comments.

Maneka Gandhi on Sunday said forensic reports verifying the contents of  a CD containing his purported hate speeches were a “one-sided version”

“The entire tape is doctored, words have been interchanged… the forensic report is a one-sided version,” the MP from Aonla in Uttar Pradesh told reporters here on her way to a party conclave.

Now, what on earth is a one-sided forensic report? Does Maneka expect a report to have “for” and “against” sections like a debate in BJP’s chintan baithaks?

Or maybe she is suggesting that the CD should have been flipped like an audio-cassette by the forensic guys to hear the second side as well? And in that case, probably we would discover more versions of hate speeches by her suputra.

June 21, 2009   No Comments

Wish Karo, Dish Karo

Shah Rukh Khan, in a TV commercial tells us, sabse zyaada wish karo, dish karo.

Dish kare SRK, SRK ki biwi, SRK ka poora khaandaan.

Meanwhile, I need to do the dishes as well. Dish karo…

June 21, 2009   No Comments

The Sexiest Vegetarian. And Piggy Chops.

It seems only a few days ago when Kareena Kapoor won the sexiest vegetarian title – and now it seems the crown has shifted to her ex – Shahid Kapur. PETA apparently dishes outs these awards faster than bhindis can grow.

But if Shahid Kapur is such a committed vegetarian, why is he going bonkers over Piggy Chops?

And that too, when swine flu is round the corner?

June 15, 2009   1 Comment

Kareena, Jeans And The Ocean

Kareena Kapoor thinks jumping into the ocean requires a dress code.

I can’t dive into the ocean in a pair of jeans or a frock, can I?”


Hopefully it never happens, but imagine Kareena and Saif flying out for a holiday to an exotic island in a private plane. Somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic, the plane has engine trouble and Saif shouts.


“Kareena, the plane is gonna crash. We need to jump into the ocean.”

“Of course, I can’t. I haven’t brought my swimsuit along”.

Well, nothing really wrong with Kareena’s quote – it’s just one of those days when I can’t find anything to blog about.

June 13, 2009   2 Comments

Dedh Minute Waali

The cast and crew of Vipul Shah’s film Action Replay has now given Aishwarya Rai a couple of new names.

But while, Akshay and Rannvijay would struggle to get their steps right, Aishwarya would hardly take a minute-and-a-half to perfect even the most intricate steps.” This prompted everyone on the sets to refer to the sexy star as dedh minute wali. However, by the time they neared the song’s completion, Rannvijay had named Ash, dedh second wali.


And I always thought she was the dedh-dimaag waali.

June 13, 2009   No Comments

The Millionth Word

The English language’s millionth word arrived this week – and sadly it is neither Slumdog nor Jai Ho. Not even Chuddies.

The millionth word, disappointingly, is Web 2.0 – something that’s probably spun by new generation spiders.

But I am surprised that English has only around a million words in its kitty. I was pretty confident that my personal vocabulary held more than a million English words.

Or maybe I misunderestimated.

June 12, 2009   No Comments

The Great Indian Press Wallah

Looking at the way the great Indian gutter press has been reacted to MS Dhoni’s approach to the media, I am amused. I have always been amused at the typical Indian journalist’s idea that they are very important people and everyone should treat them with extreme respect. Well I have never thought of Indian scribes any better than clowns and apparently many other people think the same way.

This reminds me of a small incident that happened a few months ago.

It was a petrol pump where a guy just ahead of me in the queue got into an altercation with the filling attendant – regarding if he had reset the pump-meter before filling up the tank.

When the argument wasn’t going anywhere, the car owner decided to throw his weight around. He pointed to a sticker on his car which prominently said “PRESS” and asked “tujhe maloom hai, main kaun hoon?”

The filling attendant, smiled, adjusted his cap and shot back – “Kapde istree karne waale ho?

June 11, 2009   2 Comments

Younger Wife, Longer Life

When people have nothing else to do, they start researching stuff like this.

Men live longer if they marry a younger woman, according to population statistics.  What’s more, men who tie the knot with older women are more likely to die early, the study at Germany’s Max Planck Institute found.

According to the research, blokes cut the risk of premature death by 11 per cent if their wives are seven to nine years younger, reports The Daily Express.

I am not sure if having a younger wife helps you die an octogenarian- but one thing I know for sure – once you are married, life seems long anyway.

June 4, 2009   1 Comment

Bachchon ka Dawakhana

Today, I came across a sign that said:

“Bachchon ka Dawakhana”.

Agar, bachchon ka dawa sab khaayenge, to bachche kya khayenge?

 

June 3, 2009   4 Comments