Posts from — April 2009

Knock, Knock

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sa.
Sa who?
Sa who ko nahin jaanta hai saale?

April 8, 2009   No Comments

Four Captains And A Politburo

Kolkata Knight Riders and the four-captain theory is at least getting the team much needed free publicity. While Sunny Gavaskar rubbishes Shah Rukh Khan and John Buchanan’s latest brainwave – King Khan is quick to point out that KKR is his team – and he’ll do anything he likes with it. And if Gavaskar wants his ideas to be put into practice, he should buy his own Chinchpokli Champions XI.  I think that’s fair enough – it’s SRK’s team and he’s free to do whatever he likes.

(Does this have anything to do with Gavaskar being pelted with eggs by the Calcutta crowd in the mid-80s? Well I don’t know)

But let’s come back to the four captain theory. I think that’s the way to go about it. After all, that’s how Kolkata works… I can now tell you what SRK and Buchanan precisely have in mind.

One, the four captains won’t be called ‘Captains’. They’ll address each other as ‘Comrades’ and the collective team of four will be called the KKR Politburo. And then there would be a General Secretary called John Buchanan – who in turn would be reporting on a hotline to SRK, who for some strange reason would be based in China.

When there’s a bowling change to be made or the fine leg to be brought inside the circle – the game would be called to a pause – a politburo meeting held – and then the General Secretary would take a decision. In case of problems, the call to China can immediately be made for a final decision.

Just in case a solution isn’t in sight – just as the game is slipping away quickly from KKR, the politburo will simply call the rest of the players (also called the trade union) and they’ll dig up the pitch, stone the floodlights, threaten the umpires, bash up rival players – and ensure a match abandoned.

That way KKR can never lose a match.

For those who pooh-pooh the four captain theory, just a reminder that it has worked for 32 years in Bengal now. And no reason why it shouldn’t work for another 32.

April 6, 2009   No Comments

Does Your Wife Earn More Than You?

…that’s the TOI debate of the day.

Irrespective of our tall claims of gender equality, there’s an overwhelming belief in society that the man is the primary breadwinner and the woman the homemaker. This often leads to a major friction when the woman rakes in more moolah than the male. While we comfort ourselves that money has nothing to do with love, very often an imbalanced paycheck causes damage to a relationship. Is the income of your spouse actually that significant to make or mar your relationship? If you are a man, will you be affected if your wife earns more? If you’re a wife, would your respect for your man plunge if he earns less than you?

The point really isn’t about who earns more – the wife or the husband. What really matters is who spends more-on usually useless things. And that is something we all know, right?

April 6, 2009   2 Comments

Kevin Pietersen’s 11 Weeks

England’s star cricketer is a troubled man after being away from the action for 11 weeks.

England batsman Kevin Pietersen has said that he misses his wife Jessica Taylor terribly, and has vowed never to stay away from her for 11 months ever again. Kevin Pietersen has said that he misses his wife terribly, and has vowed never to stay away from her for 11 weeks ever again.

What a duffer. I would give my left hand for a 11-hour break from my wife. (I need the right hand to prepare my drink).

Some guys have all the luck – and they don’t even realize that. 11 weeks! Imagine what I could do – but then, that is a futile flight of fancy…

April 3, 2009   3 Comments

The Oldest Frog

PTI reports that the world’s oldest frog has been discovered.

Scientists in New Zealand claimed to have found the world’s oldest frog — aged 37. The Maud Island frog, nicknamed Wellington by researchers, also has two other geriatric friends, a male, Gollum, 35, and a female, Xena, 34.

I wonder if the Wellington the frog can still croak as it could when it was younger. That somehow reminds me – how old is Himesh? Aah, 35 says the Wikipedia. Another record missed.

April 2, 2009   2 Comments

Ambani Brothers, Pillow Fights

The Time magazine has useful tips for the warring Ambani brothers.

Ahead of finalising its list of 100 most influential people in the world, prestigious US magazine Time has advised one of the probables Mukesh Ambani to settle his spat with younger sibling Anil over a ‘pillow fight’ using pillows stuffed with $1,000 bills.

“Our proposal: duke it out using pillows stuffed with $1,000 bills,” Time said.

[…]

Children usually indulge in pillow-fight as a game, where they fight using pillows, which being soft does not cause any injuries.

No problem with that. But when the pillows are named Nita and Tina, the solution isn’t all that easy.

April 1, 2009   No Comments

Happy Birthday To All Of You

On this special day, Manishwa wishes you all a very happy birthday.

Have a great day.

April 1, 2009   2 Comments

The Sterilisation Family

Sanjay Gandhi’s approach to sterilisation is well known.

Here’s Maneka’s Gandhi’s approach:

Killing [of stray dogs] has not been able to achieve that [reduce number of dogs and bites] in 50 years and crores of dogs have been killed. Sterilization is the only method that has brought down the number of dogs dramatically.

And here is Varun Gandhi’s approach:

In logon ko pakad pakad ke nasbandi karaana padega…nasbandi karaana padega

Well, I think – If Sanjay and Maneka Gandhi had seriously thought about the sterilisation issue, we wouldn’t have stray Varuns on the street.

April 1, 2009   3 Comments