Posts from — March 2009

Obama: Yes We Kanth

An interesting poster of the Rajinikanth starrer, Arasan the Don – dubbed from the 1991 flop Khoon ka Karz.

Via: Rediff

March 9, 2009   No Comments

Musharraf, The Third Umpire

Former Pakistan president Pervez Musharraf want’s to play the role of the third umpire in the India-Pakistan disputes.

Mush wants to be third umpire between India and Pakistan.

I guess he would want action replays as well – of perhaps, Kargil?

March 9, 2009   No Comments

Dear, Mahatma Mallya

Dear Shri Vijay Mallya ji,

Thank you dear Shri Vijay Mallya for spending $1.8 million of your precious money to bring back those personal belongings of Mahatma Gandhi – without which this nation of ours would have been doomed.

And what makes your act even more commendable is the fact that that the money comes from you during these trying times of recession – when 1.8 million could have bought you a couple of specialist 20–20 cricketers for Royal Challengers or a few much needed repairs to your Kingfisher aircrafts.

I promise you – years down the line, when you and and your companies are gone, and if somebody tries to auction off a vintage Kingfisher calendar with your favourite scantily clad models – I will be the first one to try and buy it – because all this is part of India’s unforgettable heritage.

Sincerely yours,

Manishwa

March 8, 2009   No Comments

Ten Things Women Love To Hear

The Times of India has just discovered 10 things that women love to hear. Here’s the list:

‘You look gorgeous!’
‘You are the first woman in my life’
‘You are great in bed’
‘You’ll make a great mother’
‘Will you spend your life with me?’
‘What do you think about ………….?’
‘You are my dearest pal’ 
‘I am lucky to have you’
‘You know what’s on my mind’
‘I love you’

Now a very eager me tried to put all the above to test. Here’s what I got:

Me: You look gorgeous!
She: Of course I look gorgeous. But you still have to do the dishes tonight

Me: You are the first woman in my life
She: And let me assure you, I’ll be the last as well.

Me: You are great in bed
She: And you are great at the sink

Me: You’ll make a great mother
She: I am a great mother – and hurry up with the dishes please

Me: Will you spend your life with me?
She: Do you think you have a choice?

Me: What do you think about  my new shirt?
She: Fantastic – now don’t soil it when you are doing the dishes

Me: You are my dearest pal
She: And you are my dearest dishwasher

Me: I am lucky to have you
She: Same here – how would I manage those dirty dishes without you?

Me: You know what’s on my mind
She: No, we haven’t run out of dish detergents yet. I have an extra box stacked away

March 6, 2009   6 Comments

The Rupee Symbol Design Competition

The Government now wants a currency symbol for the Indian Rupee.

The Government has decided to assign an internationally recognisable symbol to the Indian rupee, much like the US dollar, Euro, Pound Sterling, Japanese Yen, and some other major currencies. And has invited the public to suggest symbols for the rupee.

The symbol, the Finance Ministry has announced, “should represent the historical and cultural ethos of the country as widely accepted across the country”. It should be applicable to “standard keyboard” and has to be in the Indian National Language Script or a visual representation, it says.

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The winner will get a cash prize of Rs 250,000 while the shortlisted five participants will get Rs 25,000 each.

Now that I have a fascination for entering design competitions, I present my humble entry for the Rupee symbol.

Rupee-symbol-currency

Now, it might look complicated at first sight, it really isn’t. It isn’t as complicated as how our country is. Allow me explain this masterpiece of a design I have created over the past 15 minutes or so.

The National Language Script: See closely – you can probably spot the “Ru” symbol in Devnagari script (??) . So the first need of sticking close to Indian culture is satisfied.

Secularism: Money knows no religion. Or probably it is India’s only genuine religion. When it comes to the rupee, people forget about Gods, or remember their Gods – depending on the situation they are in. That is why you can spot the chandra bindu from the “om“, the crescent/star and the cross on my creation.

Black in Colour: A lot like the India flag, the symbol should have a colour code – the symbol will always be in black – representing all the black money in our glorious nation.

Instability: Just like the cross-lines in $ or the ¥, which stand for stability, my Rupee symbol has two jagged horizontal lines – denoting instability.

The Falling Rupee: Note the down-arrow. At Rs.52 a dollar, and still falling, the down-arrow is so very appropriate.

The Triangle: The symbol has two triangles – let’s discuss the upper triangle first.  This triangle represents the bribe-chain (Like the food chain). Just as you pay a bribe to the traffic police constable, a chunk of it goes to the sub-inspector, who further pays a part of it to the senior inspector. Further the money goes to the police commissioner, who has to pass away a part of it to the home ministry. This rupee symbol correctly represents this chain of bribes.

The Inverted Triangle: This triangle represents all the money that has been stashed underground.

If you think this symbol is too complicated – it has huge benefits as well. You’ll soon find writing cheques so tiresome that you won’t spend money at all. Also, the babus at the nationalized banks would love it  – they can spend their whole morning session clearing just a handful of cheques, working at an even more leisurely pace. Kya karein “rupee” likhte likhte aadha ghanta lag jaata hai…

In all there can’t be a better symbol that captures “the historical and cultural ethos of the country”.

So, where’s my Rupee-small 250,000?

March 5, 2009   43 Comments

Congress Ki Jai Ho

The Indian National Congress outwitted the BJP by getting the rights of the ‘Jai Ho’ song – for its election campaign.

Seeing new promise in the runaway success of ‘Slumdog Millionaire’, Congress has acquired the exclusive rights of the film’s number, ‘Jai  Ho’ for the summer campaign. According to sources, the party has secured the rights of both the lyrics and tune of the hit number for use in its campaign for the general election.

Sensing interest shown by its rivals in the film’s title song, Congress moved fast to clinch the deal.

Last heard, the BJP will be going for ‘Lut Jaaon, Lut Jaaon’ for its election campaign.

March 4, 2009   2 Comments

Please Vote For Himesh Reshammiya…

…at the Golden Kela awards.

More later, I need to get back to voting for Himesh for now.  

March 2, 2009   1 Comment

The Tiger’s Valentine

No this isn’t about pseudo-tigers like Shiv Sena  or even the LTTE. It is about a real tigers, that have stripes, roar, and er, mate.

Zoo authorities in Jamshedpur are looking for a suitable match for a 9 year-old tigress.

Authorities at the Tata Steel Zoological Park in Jamshedpur are desperately looking for a match for nine-year-old Shanti, a tigress.  The zoo authorities are concerned as Ben and Shyamali, the parents of Shanti have grown old and are unable to breed any more. Mating Shanti is the only option left to increase the population of tigers in the zoo.

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According to zoo authorities, they tried to ensure the mating of Ben and Shyamali last year on Valentine’s Day but the attempt failed as the tigress ferociously attacked her mate, injuring him.

You really can’t fault the zoo authorities for trying make the tigress’ Valentine’s day a bit special. But then they should have understood that the female species – whether tigers or homo sapiens, really don’t care for love, unless it comes wrapped as an expensive gift.

And yet, there is no guarantee…

March 2, 2009   No Comments