Posts from — February 2009

The Times of India reports, with specific case-studies, on how frequent power-cuts have lead to an increased  frequency of sex in Nepal.

As the long cold winter nights stretch on without TV, internet or other forms of entertainment that kept Nepalis engaged, marital sex is on the rise. So are pregnancies.

Pawan Sharma, a doctor at Patan Hospital, says sexual activity has increased due to power cuts. “When there is power, people are working and have little time for sex. But when there is ample spare time, the frequency of sex increases.”

While the Nepalese have found an amazing way to convert unproductive hours into something really productive, I am sitting in the darkness of interior Maharashtra, draining away backup batteries – all for a thoroughly inconsequential blog.

Sorry, need to log-off for now…

The TOI reports on the effectiveness of something they have called – the 360-degree profile. If you would like to read the whole story, it’s here.

Apparently, it’s something newly developed by the Income Tax department, where sleuths have a complete database of a person’s phone bills, network of friends and business associates, hotel expenses, travel details including charges paid, credit card expenses, club memberships, use of swanky cars, association and ownership of companies and their business activities – all to give an absolute picture.

They call it the 360 degree profiling. And yesterday a businessman carrying hefty cash at the airport was promptly cornered, thanks to this unique 360 degree profile.

This obviously is wonderful news. And  I assume, that this would turn around the IT department’s effectiveness by 360 degrees…

Here’s what Celina Jaitley is doing for PETA and the elephants.

If elephants see this campaign, they would prefer being shackled, beaten and abused.

The tech guys were the talk of the town
Satyam  was the jewel in the crown
And then came Ramalinga
They sang Ringa Ringa
Heisha, heisha, and they all fell down

They wanted to make a massive cake
It was all for Mayawati’s sake
In a message that spread fear
Behenji was pretty clear:
When I hafta take, I hafta take

There was a very pavitra stree
Who got married a peepal tree
But when she smiled
Her fans went wild
For that, they gave her the Padma Shree

A blog is something Sonia needs
Advani’s writings everyone reads
She said – I’ll slog and slog
To put up a better blog
But why on earth, do we need RSS feeds?

When Chawla said his bladder was weak
CEC wanted to have a peek
But when the CEC spied
The angry Chawla cried
In a loo, I am supposed to leak

Earlier lousy limericks here.

It’s hard to ignore a headline like this.

Kissing in public by married couple not obscene: HC

The Delhi High Court has stayed criminal proceedings against a couple wondering how and why an “expression of love by a young married  couple” in this case allegedly by stealing kisses in public should attract the charge of obscenity.

I know this HC verdict has sparked off celebrations all around the country, but I still have a few doubts. I understand that you need to be married to kiss in public – but could the honourable court clarify if it is mandatory, that the participants – should be married to each other?

The amazingly innovative Sri Rama Sene has decided to marry-off dating couples in Bangalore on Valentine’s day.

At a meeting on Wednesday, chaired by Sri Rama Sene leader Pramod Mutalik, Sene decided to arrange marriage between dating couples. For that, it has formed five teams. They will roam around Bangalore with a video camera and turmeric stub. If they find young couples dating, they will force them to wed on the spot. “The couples will be taken to a sub-registrar’s office to solemnise the marriage,” S Vasanth Kumar Bhavani, Sene’s Bangalore city president, told TOI.

So all you lovebirds who are having trouble getting married – due to opposition from parents, relatives, society, religious or caste differences – or if you just want to avoid wedding expenses, just make sure you are dating in Bangalore on V-day.

You get an all-expenses paid wedding, courtesy the Sene – and that too solemnised by the registrar. And when your angry parents confront you, just say – what to do, what to do, they forced us.

PS: This is unrelated to the above, but an insider tells me that Bebo and Saif have just cancelled their Valentine date in Bangalore.

Aamir Khan is ready to produce his next film.

Bollywood actor Aamir Khan who is known for raising voice against social evils is all set to produce a film on the farmers’ plight in Bhopal.

[…]

According to the reports, the project has already begun in Bhopal.

It is indeed a revelation on how Ghajini raised its voice against social evils. But I thought Aamir probably could probably leave the farmers alone, who already have enough problems to deal with.

However, I am curious on what the possible storyline could be. A hard-working and honest farmer takes a loan, mortaging his land. Then the farmer suddenly has a short term memory loss – and forgets to pay his EMIs. The loan-sharks descend and threaten the farmer. The farmer, thanks to the drought in central India, has no crops to harvest – and instead crops his hair really short (with a couple of  lines that criss-cross the head like dry irrigation canals) – and then goes on bash the loan-sharks with his plough.

Oooh, what an idea! I must rush and register the script before Aamir steals it. 

TOI reports that Delhi-6 director, the extremely generous Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra, has gone ahead and gifted Abhishek Bachchan 51 jars of pickles.

What do you gift a guy who has everything? That was probably the question on Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra’s mind when the director was thinking of a gift for Abhishek Bachchan whose birthday is tomorrow.

He then came up with the unique idea of gifting the actor 51 different kinds of pickles! Why pickles? “During the making of Delhi 6, I realised that Abhishek has a taste for Indian food. He used to gorge on local delicacies

That’s how this came to my mind,” explains Mehra, who ordered the pickles from Khadi Bauli, India’s biggest achaar market. “They will be packed in traditional earthen pots and sent to him,” adds Mehra.

Honestly, what do you gift a guy who has everything? If you ask Manishwa, a little bit of brains to begin with. Maybe a hit film (without a tax-free status from the UP government).  Probably a Padma Vibhushan award that makes him stand taller before his wife. And of course 51 jars of pickles.

But then the 51 pickle gift has provoked me into accumulating the best of PJs – not Poor Jokes as you might assume – but the best of Pickle Jokes. Some plagiarized, some paraphrased, and of course the rare purely original PJ.

What’s Abhishek’s favourite film?
Dill-i-6,  of course

How does Abhishek know there are 510 kilos of pickles under his bed?
He is closer to the ceiling.

How did Abhishek react to his wife getting the Padmashree instead of him? 
Award ka achaar dalegi?

What’s the difference between Aishwarya and the pickle?
Given the chance, the pickle can act.

What’s the difference between the pickle and Aishwarya?
If Abhishek doesn’t know, somebody tell him to stop calling the pickle – oh daahling

Is Abhishek really younger than Aishwarya?
Oh yes, but she is treated with preservatives.

Why does Abhishek think marriage is like a pickle?
Because he found it a jar-ring experience

Why did Abhishek dump Dipannita, Karishma, Lara and Rani?
Because an Aish is hand is worth a-chaar in the bush.

Why did Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra gift Abhishek 51 jars of pickles?
What else do you gift someone who has ruined your film – a Bentley?

The Indian Express reports on 12 new species of frogs being discovered in the Western Ghats an how SD Biju of Delhi University had fun in naming them.

The new discoveries – all bright tree or shrub frogs – are Philautus chota, Philautus jayarami, Philautus marki, Philautus sushili, Philautus munnarensis, Philautus kani, Philautus kaikatti, Philautus chromasynchysi, Philautus chlorosomma, Philautus amboli and Philautus akroparallagi.

Biju has come up with the names, and had a little fun in the process. Philautus chota was named for its size – a puny creature at around 16 mm. The “most beautiful” Philautus jayarami was named after K Jayaram, a Chennai-based wildlife photographer who has travelled extensively with Biju. “I name all my frogs. That is one of the few privileges I have,” Biju joked.

If I were Biju, I certainly would have done things differently. I would have given them names that they would be proud to croak about.

The frog that croaks the loudest: Philautus Reshammiyus

The frog with amnesia: Philautus Ghajinitis

The frog that cannot count: Philautus Ramlingus

The frog that can’t sing: Philautus IndianIdolus

The hen-pecked frog: Philautus Duttitis

The frog that resembles Hrithik Roshan: Philautus Bawejatis

The frog that goes into hibernation during rains: Philautus Rajthackreyus

The frog that does the best flip-flops: Philautus Advanius

The frog made of plastic (and has a politician uncle): Padmashree Philautus

The frog that simply sits and does nothing: Philautus Shivrajsis

The frog that looks like a toad: Philautus Amarsinghus

Well, there are plenty of awards I haven’t won in my lifetime. For instance, the Padmashree that could have been mine went to somebody called Aishwarya.

Well, announcing a not-wining of an award isn’t something to boast about – but being a self-obsessed guy, I am extremely proud of all my non-achievements.

So, last month there was a competition for a “book cover design” conducted by arguably India’s most popular blogger, Amit Varma for his debut novel ‘My Friend, Sancho’. I inundated Amit Varma’s inbox with my designs – with their quality ranging from the pretty average to the absolutely rotten.

At the end of the day, Amit and his publishers got fed up – and happily announced that I hadn’t won the competition.

But Amit was kind enough to give my efforts a mention. And he even showcased a few of my design efforts – a couple that didn’t get selected. The publishers have promised me a hamper of books (Hopefully they include Asterix comics). And a probable chance of working on more book covers. This does sound interesting.

As for Amit’s debut book – My Friend, Sancho should be out sometime in April. Here’s an excerpt if you would like a preview.

Below are a few other designs that I had sent across – but for various reasons, didn’t get selected.

Meanwhile, did I tell you about the chess game I played against Vineetwa during my college days– when I had finished as the runner-up?