Posts from — January 2009

Shut up and Bounce

There’s a potential diplomatic row brewing with Bollywood superstars John Abraham and Katrina Kaif  being disallowed into a New York nightclub by the bouncers.

While in New York, John Abraham and Katrina Kaif had the shock of their lives when the bouncers of a swanky nightclub in New York did not permit them to enter the club. Reason: John and Katrina did not have any identification proof with them. To add to their embarrassment, the bouncers paid no heed to their words when they told them they were top film stars from India.

A source from New York tells me this is what apparently happened between John and the 7-foot one-inch bouncer.

John: Dude, I am John.

Bouncer: And she’s Sarah?

John: Not Sarah – she’s Katrina.

Bouncer: The one that wrecked New Orleans?

John: Dude, she’s Katrina, the Bollywood superstar. And I am John Abraham. You know Bollywood? Ever seen a Hindi film?

Bouncer: Of course I have seen a few – Dostana or something like that.

John: Exactly – I am the same guy from Dostana - can’t you recognize me?

Bouncer: Hmmm.. you look similar, but where’s your buddy?

John: Buddy?

Bouncer: Oh yeah – you know that guy with a stubble – the one you smooched. Without him, I am afraid I can neither recognize you – nor let you in.

John: Listen bro, when your Hollywood actors come to India – we roll out the red carpet. We even allow them to adopt children.

Bouncer: I don’t mind getting adopted by you guys.

John: We even let Richard Gere kiss actresses.

Bouncer: I don’t mind a kiss right now

John: That’s a pretty rude way to talk about a lady.

Bouncer: I didn’t mean kissing the lady. I would prefer you.

January 19, 2009   5 Comments

The Speechathon

A Frenchman has gone on to dethrone an Indian for the longest speech ever recorded.

Frenchman Lluis Colet broke the world record for the longest speech after rambling nonstop for 124 hours about Spanish painter Salvador Dali, Catalan culture and other topics. The 62-year-old Catalan and local government worker spoke for five straight days and four nights to set the record in the southern French town of Perpignan.

Three notaries were on hand to recognise the feat which allows Colet to enter it in the Guinness Book of Records. The previous record was held by an Indian man who delivered a 120-hour speech.

Now it’s really a matter of shame that an Indian doesn’t hold this record – given the fact that the discipline is India’s favourite pastime. If there was a record for non-stop, nonsense speeches, I am sure we would have still held it. We do have contenders like Amar Singh – who would be given a stiff challenge by Anu Malik and Himesh Reshammiya.

Does the Guinness have a record for nonstop nonsense blogging? That’s one record that should rightfully be ours.

January 19, 2009   No Comments

The Monster Prime Minister

Here’s a screenshot from the Times Of India website.

Monster-pm

You can apparently now send your resumes to MonsterIndia.com, who are looking for suitable candidates for the position of the Prime Minister of India.

Sadly, the guy called LK Advani, who is advertising just above the advert doesn’ t know about the job opening – and is still harping about the 19 months he spent in jail.

I am sending my resume. Rightaway.

January 17, 2009   5 Comments

Nasal Singing For Dummies

Nasal

January 17, 2009   1 Comment

Wanted: Male Salesgirl

Via: Failblog

January 17, 2009   4 Comments

Breakwa

A few urgent matters have cropped up. So I will be away from the blog for a couple of days. Hope to be back by Monday.

Meanwhile, enjoy the weekendwa.

January 17, 2009   3 Comments

From Chandni Chowk to Kung Fu Panda

Well, managed to see Chandni Chowk to China today. And for some strange reason the plot seemed pretty similar to that of of Kung Fu Panda.

I wonder if Bollywood films could tweak their disclaimers to something like the below:

This is a work of fiction. All characters in this film are fictitious, any resemblance to any person dead or alive – or resemblance to any Hollywood film is purely a matter of coincidence.

BTW, Bachchan seems to be annoyed at Slumdog Millionaire’s projection of India. I wonder how he would react to the stereotyping of the Chinese in CC2C.

January 16, 2009   1 Comment

Social Notworking

There are a list of words waiting to be offcially included into the lexicon. And as last year, they reflect the money-woes and the rapid rise of social networking. Here’s a sample of the new words:

Social notworking : Surfing a social networking site instead of working. Also: social not-working.
—social notworker n.

So all you Facebook and Orkuters who spend your office hours surfing these sites and this blog – you will soon have an official word to decribe yourself.

There are more:

Defriend:  v. To remove a person from one’s list of friends on a social networking site. Also: de-friend.

Staycation n. A stay-at-home vacation. Also: stay-cation.

Recessionista n. A person who dresses stylishly on a tight budget.

I wonder if next year we could see a word like Satyamised.

January 13, 2009   2 Comments

Advani and Google Ads

The BJP campaign has now got hi-tech. L.K.Advani now has a blog, but there’s more. Advani is now all over the search engines and websites – thanks to a massive Google Adwords campaign the guys are spending on. Do a search on Google for terms like BJP, Congress, Politics… and chances are you’ll find an “Advani for PM” advert in the right column.

Pretty scary, eh?

Advani

One ad, however, interested me. It tell us that he spent 19 months months in jail for Democracy. Wish they had given him 19 years.

January 12, 2009   1 Comment

Manyata who?

Amar Singh accused Congress general secretary Digvijay Singh of insulting Manyata, wife of Sanjay Dutt, as the latter said he didn’t know who she was.

“Digvijay Singh refused to recognise Manyata and insulted her,” Amar Singh told reporters.

Amar Singh who? There we go – I just ended up insulting Amar Singh. Whoever he is.

January 12, 2009   1 Comment